update on the "twins"

This has been an interesting few weeks.. I have continuously been in good spirits but at the same time have been in a great deal of pain. I got my stitches out yesterday and it was not a pleasant experience. I have gotten a bit emotional over things the past few days and yesterday was hardest yet. For any one who has had beast augmentation and a lift, you know the scars that remain. For those who havent, they are pretty intense on the eye. picture an anchor. Its not as terrible once it heals and even more so, when the bandages are on it. Seeing everything yesterday without my sports bra, without the bandages, with nothing but the reality of it was a hard moment. I stood in amazement for a few moments and cried. It took me a lot to show my boyfriend what this stage looks like. I cannot wait to heal entirely and not have to see the ugly side of this. I admit, I even questioned why I did this to myself. I kept saying that I butchered myself knowing that I didnt, but at that moment it was how I felt.

My body still needs the work I was putting in before I did this but I cannot do anything for 2 months. After getting into the rhythm of the gym and eating well, I admit that these two weeks have been so hard and the next 2 months will be harder. I have to walk. And walk. And walk some more. It is the only thing thats allowed and even that isnt enough to make me feel like I will make any progress. I am trying to stay stress free though because I know that stress affects how we heal but its definitely a challenge.

Dinner tonight? Whole grain spaghetti with chicken and spinach sausage. Filling and easy.. also good for tomorrows leftovers.

One more note, I would like to say that through this whole experience I have been unable to do much of anything around the house.. and I am learning more and more that I am unbelievably blessed with the amazing parents I have.

Thats all =)

& iM BACK

Ok so I have been gone for a few weeks and this is why..

My vegetarian lifestyle had to be put on hold for medical reasons and I do plan on going back in about 2 more weeks. As I mentioned previously, I was looking into Breast surgery and because of this I had to put blogging on hold. I was visiting Doctors and going for pre op visits and then once things were finalized I was busy trying to set up life to make things easy for the following weeks.

Surgery was planned for August 12th and everything was going great. I had given up smoking after 9 years and the Dr had told me to resume my normal lifestyle and eating habits (meat included) for the time being. I wasn't supposed to make any drastic changes in my life before surgery considering my body would be going through a lot as it is. So I had to stop taking my vitamins, couldn't take any advil etc, wasn't allowed to eat fish, and mostly.. stopped smoking! I did amazing! The week before I spent trying to get things together. I did all my laundry, went food shopping , picked out my clothes for surgery and tried to simplify things. Monday in Pathmark, I get a call that said my date is pushed up to tomorrow! Thats one less day to get things done! After panicking for a bit, my friend Christine comes over and helps me relax and get myself ready.

I had made soup, stew, zucchini bread, and banana bread, washed more last minute clothes that I had bought to wear after surgery, got to the nail place to get my underarms waxed, set up my couch as my sleeping place for the next two weeks, and cleaned out my fridge. After staying up most of the night because of nerves, I woke up, got ready and went in to the hospital at 8 am. surgery should have started at 930 but due to delays. cause they're are always delays, I wasnt in until much later but I couldnt even tell you what time that was. My dad stayed with me most of the morning until finally at 930 I told him that if he went on his way and got his errands done, I would take a nap so he didnt feel bad leaving me. He did. I went in and saw Dr Cherofsky who I must say I LOVE!! We talked a bit and it was so casual. I felt comfortable, and very at ease.

Dr Cherofsky doesn't promise you what size you will be, he goes by what looks best on your body while you are on the table. We discussed what I wanted and the rest is in his hands. My main goal was fullness. I didnt care about size so much, although I made it clear that I didnt want to be any smaller! Right in the operating room he told me he had 15 size implants with him and 10 different sizers to play with to find the best ones. We spoke about trying a 500cc implant and I went to sleep with that number happily nested in my head.

5 hours later I woke up and my current reality set in.. tuesday night I was fine, I had so much morphine and percocets that nothing seemed to phase me. I had company and was just happy being there. When my Drs office called to check on me, the exact words the office manager used where "are you sure you got operated on?" The next day was a bit different, I woke up in the worst pain of my life.. I took the prescribed meds and fell asleep. I slept through most of the day. The past few days have been spend sleeping as well. Today was the first day I didnt have to take painkillers and I am really excited about it.

Thursday I went to the Doctors office to get the bandages changed and to see the "twins" (as a friend of mine calls them). It was one of the most amazing and most emotional times of my life. I have never seen my breast look the way they did at that moment. They were perky and full! Everything was perfect! I am now dealing with itchiness and having to be dependent..

God bless my boyfriend, Nick who has been nothing short of amazing during this process.. he has been waiting on me hand and foot and hasnt said no to anything. He is very on top of my needs and as much as I get mad sometimes that hes so concerned with everything, I do appreciate it. My friends are also increadible.. Who has brought food, dunkin, one friend has gone as far as to go shopping for white sports bras for me and I have to say I think she bought out Models! How many times I have fallen asleep on them.. (Sorry!)

I am currently healing and missing work, I cant just sit around without going crazy! I am looking forward to getting back on track with my healthy eating and although I am banned from the gym for 8 weeks (AHH) I cant wait to start walking outdoors. I have two weeks left to get the ok to go back to my life and then I will be back with my veggie ideas and thoughts as well as ways to lose weight with only walking!

So to quick healing I go..

its been a dog of a week..

I have such a level of respect for those of you who lead hectic lives and still manage to blog daily. I, a.) wouldn't be able to think of enough to say and b.) cant seem to find the time to write that often so I've decided to do weekly.

This past week has been a giant blur to me, I was in The Great Hot Dog Cook Off at the Kelso Brewery on Saturday. This was a fundraiser held once a year and this time around it benefited City Harvest. I love love love this organization because it focuses on feeding us here, not in other countries. No offense to anyone but I see it the same way as when the flight attendants tell you if the oxygen masks come down, use it first then help your child.. If we are hungry and dying off we Cant help anyone anyways! Im glad there are still orgs that take care of us at home! More info can be found at thegreathotdogcookoff.com . I had the most amazing time at this event. It was hot and crowded and I got extremely sunburned but the music was pumping, the beer was flowing, I had my friends and family there to support me.. it was increadible.. Team Gobble all the way! I cannot wait to do it again next year and hopefully take home the gold; the gold wiener trophy that is! I had been preparing for this cookoff for weeks and the night before I was up until about 6am, woke up at 730 and started my finishing touches.. I dont think I have caught up on sleep yet!

A few articles where written up about the event, one article even has me in it!

I have come to terms with the fact that while I can cut out meat, fish seems to be much harder for me to eliminate. I am ok while home but as soon as we are out, I get salmon the brain. I refuse to beat myself up over it so I allowed myself salmon for dinner tonight. I have been good the rest of the week, even making better choices with sushi. I skipped my usual spicy tuna roll, cali roll, and shrimp tempura roll and opted for a cucumber roll, avocado roll, edamame, and broccoli with garlic sauce. Who knew I could give up spicy tuna?! So just like everything else in life, food isn't black and white.. there is a whole lot of grey in what you can and cant and should and shouldn't do or eat. However, I think I like all that grey!

I do have to say that I am in love with Morning Star Products. They are currently on sale 2 for $8 at Shoprite and you can bet your bottom Ill be there tomorrow after work to pick me up a few. I particularly love the Ginger Teriyaki patties. I think everyone should try them.!

Onto newer things.. I have always had a few hangups about my body, as Im sure we all have and today I took one of the first steps in fixing the biggest one for me. I think I found my plastic surgeon for my breast augmentation/mastopexy. Basically I need a lift, reduction, and an implant to get the look I want, go figure. I am completely willing to work out and get what I want from my body but my chest is too far gone! I am thrilled at the idea of doing this altho I am lacking a bit of support from a few important people in my life but as with everything else, it too shall pass.

Going to enjoy my home made pumpkin spice iced coffee..

Thanks for reading,

-Bella

Past Present & Future..

I once again have found myself stuck. I do this often enough and altho I am only 23 it has been a huge part of my life. I am (again) in need of some weight-loss! So here I am taking after my "pseudo sister in law" (Jenn @ http://watchmybuttshrink.blogspot.com) and blogging about my journey.

I have struggled with my weight since I was a kid, have tried every diet out there both healthy and unhealthy, and finally in 2005 got up the guts and got a gastric bypass. I weighed 270lbs at my highest and 260 the night before going in for the procedure. With some struggles afterwards I got down to 148 lbs, my greatest moment body wise. I was thrilled! Being under the 150 mark was unheard of for me and there I was.

As the saying has it, easy come easy go! As quickly as it all came off was as easy as it got to gain it back. I met the love of my life and became so comfortable that eventually, I let myself go. I sit here today not quite as big as I was but not at all where I want to be. I decided to start some vigorous training again as well as a change in my lifestyle. I thought that maybe writing about it would keep my going considering who wants the world to see them fail? So this is my attempt..

I have decided to become a vegetarian. I will cut out all meat, red meat, chicken, turkey, fish etc. and depend mostly on beans veggies and soy to get the necessary proteins and vitamins. I am on day 2 of this so far and am not finding it too hard.

As my own little experiment, I have a Doctors appointment next week to get some blood work done, I want to get all of my results and compare them to blood work a month, 3 months, and 6 months from now. I am curious to see how much, if at all, my body will change inside. I have very low vitamin counts and am highly anemic so this change has to be done carefully but I think I am up for the challenge.

I have been slacking on the gym thing and will start going back next week. If I can do some sort of physical activity each day I will be happy and I know that the weight will come off. I don't believe in scales any more so most of my measurements will be done by clothes and sight. I just am not strong enough to stand on a scale; maybe one day I will be but now is not that time.

So here goes as I start to fight this battle once again.. wish me luck!